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It`s like nobody ever considers the consequences of getting to know me.
Some women need to realize that showing cleavage doesn`t fix your face.
Saw a chameleon today. So I guess it`s safe to say it was a pretty sh!tty chameleon.
Me: Mom…Dad. I’ve decided to live on my own from now on. Parents: Ok, cool. Me: Your luggage is outside.
Imagine how fun Pringles would be if the cans were spring-loaded.
Sweetie, if your gonna be two-faced at least make one of them pretty!
If every porkshop was perfect, we wouldn`t have hot dogs.
If you have a mirror handy, kindly gaze into it and you will find your problem
Finally in bed. No better time to start thinking about every possible thing that has or ever could happen.
I`d hit that. - women drivers
We`re like hot chocolate and marshmallows. You`re hot, and I wanna be on top of you.
Sometimes, I think I`m a genius. Then I realize I`ve already seen this episode of Jeopardy.
Tequila is Spanish for I’m open to waking up anywhere.
I have decided to give up procrastinating for Lent ... oh, crap.
Just another day of not being rich and famous.