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I have a disease called AWESOME...You don`t understand it since you don`t have it.
I think on December 21 all the power companies should shut off the power for like 10 minutes just to make people flip out.
The part of “no” that I don’t understand is the part where I don’t get what I want.
Don`t ask me stupid questions and I won`t hurt your stupid feelings.
I think a good gauge of my personality is that I watch Homeland to relax.
I guess I`m somewhat of a big deal, I tell people about my accomplishments and they say "big Deal
"I`m glad the weekends over" -Nobody ever
Why don`t strip clubs do Black Friday? It would be the one place I would camp out to go in.
I only use shampoo that smells like raspberries so people don`t think it`s weird when I have jam in my hair.
I Got so Drunk Last Night ,.I Walked Across the Dance Floor to Get Another Drink, and I Won the DANCE COMPETITION...!!
I need to start setting an alarm to go to bed.
If there’s one thing that having kids will teach you, it’s home repair.
I don’t have nightmares... I create them for others ;-)
How do you make your wife scream during sex?? Call her and tell her about it.
My ex said he would die for me. All I`m saying is, it was his suggestion.