Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Some days are just not meant to be productive.
They updated the Raggedy Ann doll to Swaggedy Ann. She comes with an iPhone, divorced parents, and 3 pairs of heelys.
My friends most commonly describe me as "who?"
I said "Candyman" 5 times into the bathroom mirror and sure enough some woman came out of the stall and screamed at me for being in there.
If I`m in your house and you have bookshelves... Be prepared to see me turning statues and bending down books while looking for your lair.
went to vegas: put a coin in the machine and a prize came out, put another coin and another prize came out...problem is i don`t know what to do with all these empty cans now.
If my body was a car, I`d trade it in for a newer model. Cause everytime I cough or sneeze, my radiator leeks and my exhaust backfires.
You could`ve told me that wasn`t your real name before I got the tattoo.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but my boss just gets mad when I don`t come into work.
FYI....just in case something happens.....The cashier at the liquor store down the street is my emergency contact person.
I was trying to have a mature arguement but "look, you ignorant f*cktard" just popped out
What do you mean casual Friday does not mean drink wine and get drunk at work
I bet the creator of the artificial heart is pretty pissed that we still use "sliced bread" as our basis for great inventions.
Whenever somebody is murdered, the 1st person the police investigae is the spouse. That should tell you all you need to know about marriage.
The best part about pooping with the bathroom door open in the morning is being able to see everyones face at Starbucks.