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If you are being attacked by a bunch of clowns the first thing to do is go for the juggler.
One thing`s for sure when I shower with my boyfriend. My titties are spotless!!
If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors and all of them got laid.
They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.
Happy July 22nd! Today isn’t a holiday, but you’re alive and well, so why not celebrate?
"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth" ... I choose dare, your honor
Exercise makes you look better naked. Alcohol does the same, you pick..
Opening the Tupperware cupboard at home should be regarded as an extreme sport.
I`m going to stand outside, so if anyone asks I am outstanding.
Who needs Halloween decorations when I can just put up my selfies?
Wait,,,, What does it mean when my bride uses air quotes during the vows???
I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soul mate, but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza.
There is 2 address we will always know by heart, 1: Our Own, and 2: P. Sherman 42 wallyby way Sydney!
Me in a shopping mall: "I like that stuff" *looks at pricetag* "i don`t like it anymore"
Don`t sweat the petty things and don`t pet the sweaty things.