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It`s what`s on the inside that counts... *Except chocolate covered raisins.
I swear that logging in to Facebook has become the equivalent of opening the fridge door and staring inside even though you`re not hungry.
Am I the only one who runs up on happy couples and yells, "How could you do this to me" and then runs off crying?
I advise you...don`t mess with me, I know karate, kung fu,judo, tae kwon do, jujitsu, and 28 other dangerous words.
If you can´t say anything nice ... we´re probably related.
thinks my life is becoming a very complicated drinking game.
Hey ladies, I just love "Austrailian" kissing...it`s a lot like "French" kissing only Down Under!
I couldn’t believe it yesterday, when I came home and was told by my wife that my 5-year-old son wasn’t actually mine. She says that I need to pay more attention when picking him up from school…
How do you know if your girlfriend is getting fat?...She fits into your wife`s clothes.
Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over? You were driving 80 miles an hour. Driver: "No way; I ain`t even been on the road an hour."
People who copy and paste jokes from other’s status messages are idiots…A few seconds ago • Like • Comment
It`s 2014 and somehow we still don`t have a car mirror that can make objects appear exactly as far away as they are.
You seem to be very educated on the things you make up.
Sometimes my brain is like the bermuda triangle...Information goes in then it`s never found again..
Some people are flirting with my delete & block button