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Flat screens are nice and all, but they`ll never compare to the television/record player/ liquor cabinet combo extravaganza we had as kids.
Heard you like bad boys .... Well, I`m not trying to impress you or anything, but when Disney Channel asked me to go to their website with my parents permission, I didn`t ask my parents.
Do you ever get the feeling that you`re being watched? Because if it`s bothering you, I`ll stop.
To clear a pop-up ad online, I was just forced to agree that "I don`t care about being healthy and smelling clean."
You call it multiple personality disorder... I call it being mayor of the little town in my head!
Let me be honest, I dont even walk a mile in my own shoes.
I taught my wife everything she knows about male stupidity.
The problem with the girl of my dreams is that she’s never around when I’m awake.
Siri, where are my pants?
A naughty thought is a terrible thing to waste
I don`t have any skeletons in my closet because I bury my victims in the backyard!
When someone says "Surprise me", I quickly drop my pants.
When I was little I didn`t care about things like what to wear, my parents dressed me. Looking back at some of my old pictures, it`s obvious that my parents didn`t care either.
The less you know, the more you think you do.
There`s a pretty good chance I`ll end up being one of those senior citizens who randomly bites people...