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The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance you won`t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game and I`ll play mine.
You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes.
Quiet people have the loudest minds.
I like it like that
Some idiots actually sold their homes and properties thinking the world was really going to end! What losers. I hope my boss gives me my job back on Monday
In my defense, I was left un-supervised...
Nothing gets me motivated for 10-15 seconds like a good inspirational quote.
Every once in a while I check up on people I hate to make sure I still hate them… I do.
That moment when you wake up at 2 o`clock a.m and remember how crappy that after earth movie was and you go back to sleep immediately
Use Angie`s List if you want a plumber to come over. Use Craigslist if you want that plumber to come over with no pants.
Two wrongs may not make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.
I`m flattered that you took time out from your lack of a life to judge mine.
I`m the type of person who will throw away the manual and ponder for 3 hours "where the hell do I start"
United Airlines was just voted number one in Chinese takeout!
If you`re going to stalk me at least notice when I`m running low on toilet paper & change the roll.