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I’m still waiting for the episode of Storage Wars where there’s a homeless guy living in the unit.
Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?
Nothing says `I dont take you seriously` like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him.
Working from home and HR already cited me for sexual misconduct.
If you love something, set it free. Maybe not sharks though. Or bees. Viruses. Lots of stuff really. Look, the point is don’t love anything.
Asking a guy, "Are you done with that?" & pointing to his girlfriend, is frowned upon. Apparently.
Apparently typos only become visible to the human eye after you hit send.
I want the time management skills of people who effortlessly carve out entire hours to be offended by every single thing on the internet.
Two drunk guys driving down the road, One says to the other "We must be getting closer to town!" The other guys says, "How can you tell?" He says "Were hitting more frickin people."
Guys, if she says she`s crazy, she`s harmless. The real crazy ones never give you a damn clue.
Was up all night wondering, why do people compliment me for having all my sh!t together & yet still insult me for being full of it?
You don`t know true competition until you`re one of the last two people in musical chairs.
I hope common sense is the next cool trend.
just spilled alphabet soup on my keyboard. I`m so confused
I need a new bad decision.