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A lot of people don`t realise that Shania Twain`s father, Mark, was actually a pretty good writer.
What´s the difference between light and hard? You can go to bed with a light on.
Men are like dogs. We’re excited to see you and have no clue what you’re mad about.
No one is more confident than a drunk girl wearing a guy’s hat sideways.
Attention burglars: We may or may not be home. Or maybe we are hunters, waiting for you to get closer for a kill shot
I was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently, "A way out" wasn`t the right answer.
I`ve been hiding from exercise. I`m in the fitness protection program.
I ignored your Facebook friend request because there isn`t a "Hell no!" button.
How do people dumb enough to buy $500 sunglasses make enough money to buy $500 sunglasses?
They say money talks, mine just waves goodbye.
Finally got my sh!t together... Now if I can just remember where I put it
Home sounds like a nice place, until they say they`re going to put you in one.
Every pair of panties can be a thong if your a$$ is big enough.
My posts come from a dark place.. I haven`t paid my light bill in 3 months.
People who learned a bunch of stuff must have felt pretty stupid when Wikipedia came out.