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I`m not sure where you learned to whisper but I`m guessing inside a helicopter surrounded by f*cking chainsaws.
“Swearing is unattractive” I’m not attractive anyway so f*ck off
I order all my food with extra gluten.
I use to be addicted to soap, but now I`m clean
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Three weeks without a signal typo!
"It`s not you, it`s me." -Twins looking at some family photos
If anybody out there happens to have my voodoo doll, can u please scratch my balls. I happe to be in a public place at the moment.
When I`m all out of alcohol...haha! Just kidding! I`d never let that scenario become a reality.
There`s a big difference between a mechanic and a surgeon when they work on a tranny.
You`ve already put up your Christmas tree? That`s nothing. I`m already drunk for St. Patrick`s Day.
It`s not karma, you`re just an idiot.
I wanted to book an Elvis impersonator for a party so I phoned them up and got a call centre. It said `press 1 for the money, 2 for the show.`
PARENTS: your teen may be worshipping Satan. Look for these terms: LOL - Lucifer Our Lord, BRB - Burn Religious Books, TBH - Tell Beelzebub Hi
just realised MR OWL ATE MY METAL WORM is exactly the same backwards