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Next time you think life`s not fair..think of this x large clothes cost $2 more than large so why doesn`t small cost $2 less ? Being fat ....now that`s unfair
Jealously is something you’re good at when you suck at everything else.
twinkle twinkle little star ... point me to the nearest bar.
Do NOT accept friend requests from Hormel Foods, it could be spam...
Spoiler alert: I unplugged your fridge.
Don`t bother trying to figure me out...not even the little voices in my head understand me...it`s pointless.
I’m not high maintenance, but rather precious cargo with lavish instruction for upkeep.
You think seven years is bad for breaking a mirror? Try breaking a condom.
Monday: A terrible way to spend 1/7 of your life.
Home sounds like a nice place, until they say they`re going to put you in one.
Know what this salad needs? A Big Mac.
Facebook keeps telling me people are following me. But, every time I look behide me there`s nobody there? Why does facebook keep lying to me?
Just shaved my legs for the first time since October...just kidding, it`s not warm enough for that yet.
When I`m bored, I like to superglue Doritos to my cat and make it run around the house like a stegosaurus.
Hold on I`m about to count my money. Alright I`m done.