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I may not look good naked, but I`m a beautiful person on the insi.... Hahahaha just kidding I look great naked
Marriage (Possible side effects may include sadness, anger, sudden drop in finances, depression, sexual abstinence, and sobriety)
There`s a time and place for wine, In my hand and now.
Watching a funny movie after watching a scary one too try to reduce the risk of nightmares.
The neighbor`s cat seems to think my flower bed is his litter box. I`ll fix that furry little bugger. I mixed 44 packages of pop rocks into the soil. And now we wait....
"Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry."
Defeat....the feeling you get when you realize the "next" level is just as hard......
My dad says that if I don`t stop typing so loudly, he`s gonna slam my face into the fidbdiUHy6hivIifHfGK
Just printed out 50 copies of today`s weather forecast to carry around with me today because I`m just not in the mood for small talk.
I`m sorry, I`ll be busy this weekend walking around my house with mini alcohol bottles and fun size candy bars pretending I`m a giant.
Life`s most terrifying 10 seconds: Being held hostage in the corner of the shower by cold water.
It`s normally a combination of things that cause bad decisions. The tequila, lime, salt combination is the most common.
Do you think the dude that invented the breathalyzer has any friends left?
Maybe if I tilt my head to the side I can understand English – dogs
just bought 400 copies of Hoarders: Season 1. Not sure what to do with them.