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Multi-tasking: the art of screwing up everything all at once.
Do you really know me or am I just an idea that you`ve built in your head?
All women want is to have a relationship with an intelligent man. The only problem is, intelligent men don’t get into relationships.
I enjoy long walks on the beach and that thing you just did with that banana.
I don`t get offered drugs nearly as often as D.A.R.E. said I would.
Fun Fact: if you took the skin of an average person and laid it out flat,you would have enough for a serious criminal conviction :)
I missed that one episode of The Walking Dead where they show us how the zombies keep everyone`s lawns so freshly mowed.
Have you ever stopped to think, and forgot to start again?
Dropping a can of soda and sticking it back in the fridge all shaken up for the next person to open is not as funny when you live by yourself.
No matter what life brings you, always take a lesson from your dog.. Kick some grass over that s**t and move on.
Calling all men...Eboli can live up to two months in semen..YES! You better wash your socks.
Even if your not successful in life , You are guaranteed to get two certificates
I wish they all could be Jerry Springer girls.
All of my plans for the future start out with “when I get rich”
I want a man who loves me for my personality. Is it really to much to ask, I mean I do have several to pick from.