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Besides creating dinosaurs are mosquitos good for anything?
I wrote you this love poem: Here, just take my credit card.
You can look at some people and instantly know they’re only going to get two awards in life, a birth and a death certificate.
is in no shape to exercise
I was an adult once. Then I opened a Facebook account.
Just bought a Ken doll. I don`t know what everyone`s talking about, you can`t read books on this thing.
You`re exceeding the limits of my medication. Please go away.
is it just me, or did anyone else think that we would be living like the Jetson´s by 2011?
Today, I did it hard, I did it loud, it was wet, and I did it four times in a row. I wish I wasn’t talking about sneezing.
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
I did not mean to hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I just figured you already knew.
I have never met a woman without wondering what her box of cookie recipes looks like.
We have cars that park themselves but I still gotta wave my hand 15 times before a paper towel comes out the dispenser
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else...
The best thing about weed is it teaches you that it`s okay to take 35 minutes to make a sandwich