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Eventually I will find Bigfoot and he will tell me all he knows about Hide & Seek.
Sex with human, ok. Sex with cow, not ok. Grabbing cow titty, ok. Grabbing Karen in accounting`s titty, not ok. Apparently.
All the women moaning about finding a husband obviously never had one.
I`d be amazing at life if I was only asked to sit and play on the computer all day.
Just took an inventory of my body and it appears to be overstocked in all the wrong places.
She might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty`s only a light switch away.
It’s a strange moment, when you realize that the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals, birds, and insects desperately trying to get laid.
I sometimes worries about my short attention span, ...but not for very L... hey! ... look at that squirrel!
I was told today to look at my life from a different perspective. I`m lying on the floor now and the shit still looks f*cked up.
They say that when one door closes, another one opens. Apparently, "they" have never been to jail.
Eleventeen percent of the population makes up words.
Sometimes, the light at the end of the tunnel is just a lost guy with a flashlight.
You`re not unlucky. Bad things happen to you because you`re a dumba$$.
Posting a status update before responding to someone`s text is the easiest way to let them know how unimportant they are.
Trail Mix: M&Ms with obstacles