Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
That`s weird, all this time I thought the Birds and the Bees was a dance from the 50`s.
If they really want to increase breast awareness, why not try a National Motorboat Day?
I bought my mother in-law one of those atomic clocks. I can`t wait for the alarm to go off.
Just spent the last 30 minutes cutting a Batman mask off the back of a box of Honey Nut Cheerios & my kid thinks he`s gonna get to wear it.
I`m not mental, other wise the rubber duckies would have told me by now...
I just came online to check the weather. That was 12 years ago.
What do you mean I should be more productive? Do you think this cocktail made itself?
Good news: I finally got my computer connected to the wireless printer. Bad news: not sure which house I need to go to get my documents.
Currently helping my son search for his chocolate that I ate last night.
If your girlfriends cat gets eaten by an angry pitbul terrier, gently singing "The circle of life" into her ear WILL NOT cheer her up.
Being in hot water isn`t so bad if you throw in some bubbles and a glass of champagne.
I embraced my inner child today and the lil` bastard bit me!
Bored? Simply send a text to a random number saying "I`m pregnant"
I can`t wait til the Presidential race ends so we can stop hating people for their politics and go back to hating people because they`re jerks
Once my ex knocked on my door & then shouted that it was her, so I texted “im not home” then seconds later I texted “if u happen to be here”