Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m an organ donor, but I`m pretty sure all they`re going to use my liver for is "after" photos.
I’m having some vision trouble today. I can’t see myself doing anything.
I just decorated my bedroom to look like my desk at work so I can fall sleep faster.
I`m not homophobic, I love my house!
ATTENTION LADIES: I will now be downgrading expectations from someone I can love to someone I can tolerate. Act now while this amazing deal still lasts!
The brain is the most outstanding organ, it works for 24 hours 365 days, right from your birth until you fall in love.
Just once I want my boss to assume I`m tired in the morning because I fight crime all night, not because of all the booze I drank.
I`m not funny, I`m just kidding u
Can anybody PLEASE tell me where you buy Common Sense?? I know several people that need some!!!
Don`t be sad, laundry. Nobody is doing me either.
If you feel like you’re about to punch someone, take a deep breath. Then exhale as you punch to get more power.
It usually only takes about five minutes into any conversation I’m having before people start shaking their head and quoting the bible.
NASCAR pit crews are always retiring. Let it sink in: now laugh
I wish the minutes after hitting the snooze button lasted as long as microwave minutes.
Plumber: you have hard water. Me: you mean like ice?