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Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today...or flash them your boobs. Strangers love boobs!
Sometimes I get nervous I haven`t done anything with my life. But then something good comes on TV, and I`m OK.
The best way to grill a chicken is to whack it with a rubber hose before you ask why it crossed the road..
The dentist told me I need to be more aggressive when I floss so I`ve decided to start growling.
I hate when I spend the extra money to buy organic vegetables only to get home and find out that I bought regular donuts.
Paying bills is fun and easy when you have a bottle of wine and a shredder.
There is no evidence that exists that life should be taken seriously.
I dreamed about you last night, and so you know; Shame on you!!
Before you judge me, know that I don`t give a crap. Ok, go ahead.
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.
That feeling you get when you meet someone named dick....
My package finally came today. this is awesome....it means I have bubble wrap to play with
Don’t get me wrong, you are hot as hell, I am just too lazy to stalk right now.
I knew she was about to say something intelligent because she began with, "You once told me..."
My mum`s so old fashioned she thinks LOL = Lots of love. She sent me an SMS saying just to let you know you`re Pa`s in hospital LOL.