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When I want to trim down my friend`s Facebook list I give my opinion and let nature do the rest.
Whenever I check my weight, I always subtract 5 pounds. I don`t think that boobs and brains this fabulous should count against me.
the kids next door challenged me to a water fight. I`m just updating my status while the kettle boils
"You go girl" - asking my girlfriend to move out, but sassy like
The question isn’t who is going to let you; it’s who is going to stop you.
If my kids knew there was a light in the oven, they`d leave that one on too.
They`ve got this brand new machine at the gym. I only used it for about an hour because I started to feel sick, but it`s awesome - it`s got Mars Bars, KitKat Chunkys, Cheetos, crisps.... everything!
my friends status was "standing on the edge of a cliff" ... so I poked him
Being able to eat while watching Hannibal makes you more of a psychopath than anyone on the show.
If you go for a jog and you don`t post it on Facebook, have you really jogged?
If you can`t handle your alcohol I would gladly help you out
"What`s wrong?" "Oh it`s personal" Then, why`d you post it to Facebook.
There would be a lot less people willing to run for public office if the losers were required to pick up all the lawn signs afterwards.
Go ahead, post sober. Ruin everything.
If you no longer know what day of the week it is, it’s time to get a job.