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My wife said she expects the house to be clean by the time she walks in the door so I changed all of the locks.
Just seen the new Batman shampoo in Costco. I can`t believe they haven`t paired it up with a conditioner Gordon.
I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of the plane...
Just got a new phone. Pretty pissed all my contacts were not lost.
"I am upping my standards... so up yours!"
My wife told me her favourite position is when i lay very very still for a few hours........late at night....until the alarm clock goes off in the morning.
When a couple asks me for directions,I know that the wife is forcing the guy to ask.That`s why I give them wrong ones to teach her a lesson.
A simpler, more believable theory is that all the dinosaurs got married and just quit having sex all together.
Exercise makes you look and feel better naked ... But, so does Tequila
To skip any youtube ad just change ‘youtube’ to ‘youtubeskip’ in the url of any video. You’re welcome.
Just ONCE I`d like someone to call me "sir" without adding "this is a place of business, please put your pants back on."
The best thing about smartphones is that you don`t have to refold maps anymore.
Recent survey asked people in the U.S if there are too many immigrants: 17% said yes, 83% said Lo siento, no hablan Inglés
Hey baby, wanna come to myspace and twitter my yahoo `till i google all over your facebook?
I prefer a slowie not a quickie.