Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I think before we vote we should get the politicians drunk. That way they would speak what`s REALLY on their minds.
People always get so excited about the next generation iPhone but no one has caught up with the awesome technology that`s called a Turn Signal.
I don`t believe in karma, but I do believe in punching people in the face.
Your just jealous because u don`t hear the voices.
Happy "Another excuse to drink" Day!
"Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry."
Send a man to the store to get 5 items, he will come home with 4. Send a woman to the store to get 5 items she will come home with 54. Its science.
I`m glad the Dentist calls me the day before to remind me to cancel my appointment.
Dear Cashier: Stop giving me attitude and acting like your job is so complicated and stressful. Self-Checkout has proven that you are really unnecessary.
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to .... unless your in prison!!!
Remember before we met? I miss those days.
"I`ll drink to that." -me to my next drink
I remember being able to get up without making sound effects. Good times.
Ghetto Word of the Day: Window "Imma pay my baby mamma her child support. I just don’t know window".
I`m not getting married till Pizza Hut allows gift registry.