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We got about 5-6 inches of snow here in the last 24 hrs, or, according to men, we got 8 inches.
I accidentally spilled spot remover on my dog and now he’s gone.
You can tell yourself that Sesame Street is educational but Cookie Monster has lived there for like 40 years and still can`t conjugate verbs.
Does anyone else make transformer noises when changing sex positions? Asking for a friend.
I have a bad habit of laughing at inappropriate moments.
A cheap way to get Botox face is by walking your dog in zero degree temperature.
I am a Mother hear me roar.....especially when my kids decide to make a kite out of my granny panties and fly it down the street.
Can you imagine how sexy I`d be if I ate right and took care of my body... I`m not going to, but can you imagine
"Bros before hoes" is something a bro without a hoe would say.
Some people should use a glue stick for lip balm
I`m sorry if I come across as crude, outspoken, and opinionated. That`s only because I am crude, outspoken, and opinionated.
I bet all the cool math nerds call each other algebros.
Dance like no one´s going to put it on YouTube.
Next time you`re in a hospital elevator, calmly ask a stranger if they know what floor you should get off at for infectious diseases.
"Oh my god, you`ve gotten so fat! Want me to make you something to eat?" - my mom