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Got in touch with my inner self this morning. That`s the LAST time I buy single ply toilet paper.
I prefer to be crazy and happy rather than normal and bitter......
Do you ever get bored on the internet and then grab your phone to see what the other, smaller internet is up to?
If I had a cooking show, it would be called “Do You Smell Something Burning?”
Instead of “single” as a relationship option, it should read “independently owned and operated”
?"Oh! Oh! Oh!" Dyslexic Santa
Scared some Jehovah`s Witnesses today by going to the door completely naked. I`m not sure what scared them more, me being totally naked or the fact that I knew where they lived.
I`m ready to regret having sex with you.
Understanding women number 476,395: Women like to talk about their feelings.
Some days the only thought that stops me from being Dexter...is that I am WAY too pretty to go to prison
Unplug the copier at work & put a sign on it that says “now voice activated!” Sit back & watch the magic unfold.
I saved over $1000.00 on Black Friday. I stayed home and didn`t shop.
Parenting gets a lot harder when you can no longer say "I`m calling Santa!"
It takes patience to listen.., it takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
My friend won a trip to China. He´s out there now... trying to win a trip back.