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I don`t know what`s more awkward, answering Dora, or sitting in silence while she stares at you.
only fights if pillows are present.
It isn`t until your kids start talking back that you realize dogs would`ve been a better option.
I`d watch NASCAR if Hot Wheels designed the tracks.
Just ordered a Fitbit and my bank called to see if my card was stolen.
Ex Girlfriend: Omg! I had a dream about you last night!! Ex Boyfriend: Aww thats so sweet, what happend? Ex Girlfriend: U died :)
Nobody on television curses more than the Roadrunner.
I’ve been reading a lot about how to live and eat healthier and then not doing anything with that information.
"The secret is that it`s all in the wrist!" -My grandfather talking about golf or handjobs or something
Saw a bug crawling on my arm and my reaction can only be described as “grabbing for swirling dollars inside a plexiglas Cash Cube.”
Every member of my family is polite & courteous which I why our pantry has 17 boxes of cookies that contain exactly one remaining cookie
You ever read a status, and you`re like, `what a f*ck up` and then you realize you`re on your own page?
Now accepting friends that live on a lake and have a boat and/or jet skis
Apparently people don`t like it when you lick your thumb and wipe all that black dirt off their forehead.
I was named after my father. I don`t really like the name "Dad" though.