Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I have my own version of Whole Foods, where I eat the Whole Pizza, Whole Box of Donuts, Whole Bag of Chips...
The amount of alcohol I would need to sleep with you would actually kill me.
The wrong time to have a seizure is probably during a Harlem Shake Video.
Dearest Neighbors, Please do not call the police, it`s not domestic violence or a wild party. It`s football season, that`s just me screaming at my TV.
The pollen is so bad this year that the trailer park people are changing crystal meth back into Sudafed.
Very little scares me. So does very big.
A spider just tried to crawl across my hand and now Googling how to extract a fork from bone without causing more damage.
Life gave me onions ... Onionade sucks.
On the 14th of December I`m going to call people and say "7 Days" then hang up...
I was trying to think of something really deep to post on Facebook this morning. The Mariana Trench comes to mind.
There is no vulnerable feeling like when you are about to sneeze ... with a mouthful of rice.
Apparently, the average person looks at their phone 150 times a day. Not me. I look at it just once. For about 12 hours.
I`m going to hire two private detectives to follow each other .
I’m bored, think I’ll go to the mall, find a great parking spot, sit in my car with my reverse lights on for awhile.
What was that idiot thinking when he invented white underwear?