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If you really want to get laid tonight, put on your oldest or most ridiculous underwear. It works every single time.
You can`t find happiness at the bottom of a beer ... Well no kidding, who is happy when their beer runs out.
I love slip on shoes because you can slip them off just as easy to hit stupid people with them.
I thought I was a bit hardcore until I saw this guy sucking on a soy sauce packet like an Otter Pop.
Okay so the pregnant woman in the library didn`t get my `overdue` joke.
Drinking: because why not intensify the feelings you`re trying to escape?
Jack The Ripper would be a great name for a fitness trainer.
why waste your brain cells to think of a comment when you can just like someone else`s?
When everything else fails... you always have delusion.
Over 500 channels and not a DAMN THING to watch! I suppose I should subscribe to some of them...
Love is... saving money to buy her shoes!
If a group of midgets performed the YMCA song, it is to be considered that they did it in lowercase?
I Just bought a Ken doll. I don`t know what everyone`s talking about, you can`t read books on this thing
Is it too early to start drinking? - some moron with a clock.
I test drove a car last month. Apparently, you`re not supposed to keep the car for a month. At least that what this cop is telling me.