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It’s always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they usually want to know who you are and why you just grabbed them.
Driving would be much more entertaining if there were no yellow lights.
Is it just me or doesn`t anyone disappear in the Bermuda triangle anymore?
You can learn a lot from a person especially when you watch them through high powered binoculars, I`m just saying.
1 in 3 Americans, weighs as much as the other 2.
My walk of shame is going back for a shopping cart after realizing I can`t carry 23 items in my arms through the store.
When people tell me knock knock jokes, I pretend I`m not home.
Did anyone else go into a furious, violent rage when they found out that George Lucas filmed most of Star Wars here on Earth?
90% of being a dad is yelling about doors being left open while the air conditioning is running.
I think New York has reached the point where it can finally be called York.
I could totally handle twins, triplets even quadruplets. Hold it, you`re talking about BABIES?
I don’t need pepper spray to stop a mugger, I just open my wallet and blow the dust in their eyes.
I’ve found that the things I’m most interested in aren’t really in my best interest.
They say milk is good for your teeth..you know what else is good for your teeth..minding your own damn buisness
If pulled over, immediately ask the officer if they`ve been drinking in order to establish dominance.