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Have you hugged you bartender today.
There`s a difference between having a unique name and a common name that`s spelled wrong.
Sorry I`m late... I accidentally pulled the chain on the ceiling fan one too many times for like 9 hours straight.
Whenever I see people doing sign language, I assume they are discussing the best way to murder the rest of us and steal our ears.
Dont piss me off...I`ll give your number to all the kids and tell them it`s Santa`s hot line!
Where 5 minutes becomes 5 hours. Facebook.
I don`t get enough credit for not going on killing sprees.
I see your Full House and I raise you 3 episodes of Home Improvement. -Me, not knowing how to play poker, but loving 90`s TV
So, is Dora 18 yet, or what? Asking for a friend.
Pirates that used X to mark the spot were stupid. If they had used a G, nobody would ever have found their treasure.
Nothing says I have faith in God like the bullet proof glass on the Pope`s car.
Where did all the people walking around with boomboxes in the 80s go? I`m concerned
CPR is the human version of blowing in to a video game cartridge hoping it`ll work again.
What doesn`t kill you, makes you stronger... except for lions, lions will definitely kill you.
Being an adult is 99% wondering how you hurt your back.