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I`m sure the fellow below don`t have big feet :(
Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you`ll get if you`re able to "fall asleep right now."
why call it ordering pizza and not the pursuit of happiness
Sometimes I feel moderately intelligent. Other times I have to sing the "ABCs" in my head to remember which letter comes next.
The people naming dinosaurs should teach the people naming hurricanes how to name stuff.
OH I´m sorry! I didn´t realise you were giving me a dirty look. I just thought you were ugly like that all the time!
Thanks coffee for tricking us into believing that it`s a good morning for a few minutes.
If your phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night the rice will attract Asians who will fix your phone for you.
If you`re stuck in the wild, rub two mozzarella sticks together to start a pizza.
The only thing I drink from a shot glass nowdays is Maalox.
The only thing us men clean at home is our browser history
Lawns: You cut them, then water them so they grow just so you can cut them again. This does not make sense.
There`s been a whole lot of office Romance since I became self employed...
If you`re "just sayin", then just shut the hell up.
The correct term for gluten-free, sugarless, vegan brownies is "compost."