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I accidentally lit the wrong end of a cigarette-that can`t be healthy!
There`s a big difference between knowing what time the liquor store closes, and what time it opens.
I miss being the age when I thought I would have my sh!t together by the age I am now.
When my kids ask what a word means, I tell them to bring me a dictionary. Then I smack them with it, and tell them to Google that shi t.
It`s really quite simple ... I do what I want! ... The End.
I`m not totally useless. I can be used as a bad example.
I think it`s really strange how some people talk to their animals, give them personalities and make up voices for them. My dog, Benjamin, agrees with me.
Maybe the cost of a barrel of oil wouldn’t be so expensive if Donkey Kong didn’t waste thousands of them in the `80s throwing them at Mario.
You call it free samples, I call it a free all you can eat buffet.
To all who called into work drunk today. Happy St Patrick`s Day.
Is it rude to put *vomits* under someone`s post ?
My penis was in the Guinness book of World Records. Then the librarian told me I had to take it out before she called security.
So far this is the oldest I`ve ever been.
roses are red violets are blue da shit in my back yard looks jus like you
We should be nicer to old people. When they walked uphill both ways in the snow they had to do it without an internet connection too.