Daily Silly Status

People reckon I´m too patronizing (that means I treat them as if they´re stupid).

Chess says everything about men & women. The King has to take things one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever the hell she wants.

My sister told me I was not allowed to babysit anymore. Apparently the baby monitor is not supposed to be duct-taped to the baby`s ankle.

Tonight I plan on drinking until I`m someone else`s problem

I hate it when I mean to buy seedless grapes but instead I accidentally get...well you know...Oreos.

Four out of five voices in my head are saying this is gonna´ be a great day.

’Friday’ is my second favourite word starting from the letter `F`. :)

I will not be impressed with technology until I can download food from the internet.

i just peed so hard that I laughed a little bit

A young man gets sent to jail,and gets put into a jail cell with a convict the size of the Incredible Hulk. After lights out, he hears a whisper from the top bunk."Let`s play Mommy and Daddy. Who do you wanna be?" Thinking quick, the man says "daddy." "Then come up here and suck Mommy`s d!ck."

You know there was a time in my life where I just didn`t give a f#ck.....funny how it seems that much hasn`t changed from an hour ago!!

I`m glad that we as humans settled on the hand shake as a greeting instead of the whole ass sniffing thing.

I am NOT high maintenance, I simply have more preferences than most.

I’m not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced.

My problem is, I`m about 30% stud, and 70% muffin.