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She might be ugly now, but wait a few more drinks.
STEP 1: Sign up for email newsletter STEP 2: Receive email newsletter STEP 3: Delete unread email newsletter for the rest of your life.
Why would I buy a pumpkin at the store for $5 when I can drive 30 miles and pay to walk through a field to pick our own for $27.
You’d think that with as much time as women spend looking at their ass in the mirror they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.
There`s no use worrying about things you can`t control. Except for bodily functions...Hopefully you can control THEM. :/
Nothing screams "I don`t care about being on time for work" like hopping on Facebook first thing in the morning.
If watching the big-screen TV with your pants off and a bag of Doritos is wrong, then they shouldn’t have couches at this Best Buy
Even if I were taking a dump on the moon someone would walk in and sit down in the stall next to me.
my phone battery lasts longer than relationships this days !
OMG, you guys, there`s a button on this stove that says "Stop Time". Should I press it??
So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn`t for throwing at people who stress you out?
Immature is just a word boring people use to describe fun people.
Best Pregnancy T-Shirt… “9 Months Sober”
Starting tomorrow: Whatever Life throws at me… I’m gonna duck so it hits someone else.
The bouncer from my local nightclub calls me Macauley Culkin because I always go home alone.