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Fun Fact: A pizza will never sleep with your best friend behind your back.
It`s funny how when you post a status and some people think it`s about them..Hahahaha it was.
Why does Facebook even give me the option to `Like` my own status? Of course I like my status, I`m F*ck!ng Hilarious! ...and Sexy.
Unless life hands you water and sugar, your lemonade is gonna suck.
Sunday morning = lazy lay in my bed and fart under my sheets all day :)
Sometimes I like to lie in bed, stare at the ceiling and think what it would be like to stare at other ceilings.
Sometimes I think I`m pretty cool but then I remember plants can eat sun and poop out air.
Beach Rule #17: Never ask anyone under the age of 35 if they`ve seen your shuttlecock
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets???
Remember ... I can always make it look like an accident.
When I order pizza online, in the "Special Instructions for the Driver" box, I put "Tell me I`m a pretty princess".
I`ll see your fun outdoor activity and raise you a nap.
Lazy Rule #23 :No Shower Is Needed, If your Not Going Anywhere...
There were 2 muffins in a muffin shop the first 1 says "I love being a muffin!" then the 2 muffin says ``Holy crap its a talking muffin!"
One of these days I’ll realize that leaning forward in my car while accelerating does not make it go any faster.