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My girlfriend thinks I`m a stalker. . . . well. . . she`s not exactly my girlfriend yet.
Is glad Christmas is near i sure need new coloring books and crayons ..
Gym Update: Not there.
Avoid parking tickets by leaving your wipers on high.
I went to see a psychiatrist today. He told me I had a split personality and charged me $160. I gave him $80, and told him to get the rest from the other a$$hole!
Got bored today so I dressed up in tan pants and a blue shirt then went into Best Buy and quit.
If I ask my dad to take a picture of me with my phone there is a 99% chance it will be a video of me yelling "It`s the button on the left!"
Alex, I`ll take WTF for a $1000
I just bought all six seasons of Hoarders on DVD
They don`t even serve apples at Applebee`s. Or bees.
Fact: No one has ever "Jumped in the shower."
OMG!!!!! I almost went to the toilet without my phone!
Ever since I installed AdBlock, all the single ladies in my area seemed to have lost interest.
Women forgive and forget but always make sure you don`t forget that they forgave you and forgot about it.
Let’s fix the obesity problem AND improve eye-hand coordination by replacing vending machines with claw machines, make people earn snacks.