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My driver`s side window stopped working,,,, So yeah,, I`m probably gonna starve to death..
Why do people with really bad breath always want to tell you secrets?
If I hit snooze 3 times it should automatically send an email to my boss saying I’ll be out sick.
WARNING. Content on my Facebook page may offend. But I don`t f*cking care
Welcome back to plastic surgery anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces here today.
Why periods? Why can`t Mother Nature just text me and be like, "Whaddup Girl?, You ain`t pregnant. Have a great week. Talk to ya next month."
My death bed confession is going to be epic!
Someone once said that I should always treat other people how I would like to be treated. Now I`m facing sexual harassment charges.
Watching game shows is like watching porn, you get excited watching someone else get lucky
It takes two people to lie....one to lie.....the other to listen
NEWS FLASH: Man arrested for having sex with a tree.....Police confirm he had wood!!!
Pokémon means a totally different thing if your stuck in a Jamaican prison.
I don`t drink these days. I`m allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs.
A cross-eyed teacher has no control over her pupils
If you needed to wear camouflage in a gingerbread house, would you wear ginger snaps?