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The worst part about being stoned at work is realizing it`s your day off.
Don’t underestimate my ability to do absolutely nothing.
Let`s talk about how fabulous u think I am.
It`s pretty cool how vodka always has such `great` ideas.
I once dated a meteorologist just so I could be with a woman who wasn`t right all the time.
feels like I`m forgetting to flip someone off today.
The ultimate act of trust is buying your spouse a gun, and then showing them the correct way to use it.
You know nothing about a woman, until she is drunk and mad at you.
Right before I die, my last words will be, "I left a million dollars in the........
I ran into my ex the other day. I could have sworn the light was green.
Laugh at your problems, everybody else does
I can make your gf scream louder than you can. - Spider
Studies show that people who want tribal tattoos are directly related to living under a rock
Here, take my hand. Now slap yourself with it.
Was hating my job until I drove past a grown man dressed as a Taco on the side of the road. Thanks again Perspective