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Breaking News: Tuesdays suck just as much as Mondays.
That awkward moment when you have 10+ tabs open and you can`t figure out which one the music is coming from. FML
I went to Alcoholics Anonymous last week. The first thing they told me to do was to stop hanging around other alcoholics. So I stopped going.
Women say they love a man in uniform but when i go clubbing in my McDonalds uniform none of them will talk to me....I`m confused
Why is maple syrup so expensive?.. It grows on trees doesn`t it?
Judging by all the cracking and popping noises my body makes when I work out, I`d say I`m about 74% Rice Krispies.
It`s kill or be killed. Or eat a sandwich. Maybe go for a light jog. Draw a picture of a duck. There are a lot of options out there.
If you`ve lost your appetite today, I think I have it.
I wish I was as fat as the first time I thought I was fat.
I`m just like the ghostbusters, except I chase squirrels around my neighborhood with a vacuum cleaner
I really want to talk to you about how I don`t want to talk to you.
If I share my food with you, it’s either because I love you a lot, or because it fell on the floor and I don’t want it.
My life is spent trying to get people to give me the silent treatment.
Whatever you do in life, always give 100%...unless you`re donating blood...
"Huh?" (my thought for the day)