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So exhausting to have my life changed for the better every time someone posts a screenshot of a famous quote.
Guys are at their mathematical best when a girl says she is pregnant.
My brain is about as well organized as the Walmart $5 dvd bin.
That awkward moment when the mosquito is more interested in persistently banging it`s head against the windshield of your vehicle in an attempt to escape your presence than it is in trying to bite you. #feelingunattractive
I`m an animal in bed. More specifically a koala. I can sleep for 22 hours a day.
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
Say what you want about Captain Hook, but he ran that entire pirating operation singlehandedly.
At 4-way stop, the first person to finish their text has the right of way right?
You know that awkward moment when you thought someone`s talking to you so you reply to them , then they look at you weird .
I broke up with my gym, we were just not working out.
What do we want? An end to auto-correct errors! When do we want it? Cow! Sow! Bow! Tow! Duck this...
I find if you sprinkle some bacon bits on a salad, but don’t actually add any salad, then its a pretty good salad.
They`re all cop cars when you`re this high.
Just when I think I`m over my insomnia the car behind me honks.
I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with hope that it might magically solve her problems.