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Still waiting for a "Where are they now?" episode about the Flintstones
My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. It’s called Lunch.
This pregnancy test confirmed my worst fear….. I’m just fat.
You health nuts are gonna feel real stupid when you`re laying in the hospital dying of nothing.
Drinking lots of beer and doing my taxes. So far the Government owes me 3.1 million. I love this Country!
roses are red , violets are blue , I got five fingers and the 3rd one for you ;)
Judge me if you will, just keep the verdict to yourself.
You should probably take everything I say with a grain of salt. And lime. And shot of tequila.
Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes.
Thanksgiving advice: Sit at the kids table for as many years as possible.
Dear Carly Simon, Yes I am so vain that I do think that song is about me.
China has largest population not because the men are extra horny nor women are extra fertile but because... Their condoms are made in China.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Jingle all the way. Nobody likes a half-assed jingler.
I don’t know how many girls it takes to change a lightbulb but I guarantee you they’d post pictures of them doing it on Facebook.