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Mowed the lawn yesterday with my shirt off and this morning there were 50 shirts left on my porch with a sign that said, "Please wear."
I may have just inadvertently accomplished something.
Apparently there`s enough room in my mouth to put more than one foot.
I give myself the best presents.
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
Facebook made billions by saying “Hey, remember that kid you haven’t seen since the third grade? He’s a parent who hates Obama now.”
The secret to enjoying good wine: Open to let it breathe. If it appears not to be breathing, apply mouth to mouth.
The best curve on a woman is her smile :) ...Hahahaha lmao! No I`m kidding, it`s her boobs.
I`ve discovered two things today... 1. My cat looks so cute in people clothes. 2. I`m probably going to die alone.
Ghetto word of the day: "Bishop", My girlfriend fell down, So I picked that bishop.
Take time to reflect upon your day. Think of all the blessings you received, and everything you may be called to testify about :)))
Thought I saw a kangaroo today but turned out to be a greyhound having a dump !
Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be ok, or some rough sex or whatever...
You want to see Americans become activists? Cancel a TV show they like.
I only have one word for women who look at me like I’m some kind of sex object ... Hi.