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99% sure my soulmate is a piece of pizza.
Who cares about throwing stones? How do people in glass houses hide when somebody knocks on the door?
trying to do something before the microwave is finished is sort of like trying to complete the countdown maths problem on countdown...
I wish more people would give me the silent treatment.
Before Google, I averaged 220 Snapple bottles before I found the answer.
If money can`t buy happiness what do you pay a hitman with?
I wish I had the kind of life my spam folder thinks I have!
People who live in bouncy castles shouldn’t throw darts.
Not only am I a master of suspense, but I...
Girl: I have changed my mind. Boy: Thank God! Does the new one work?
I just "borrowed" my neighbors nissan frontier, they make that trick look easier on the commercial
If we aren`t meant to have late night snacks then why is there a light in the fridge.
Fun Prank: Put $1000 in an envelope and mail it to me.
To the individual who sat outside in their car, across the street from our house, at 530 am and had Led Zepplens Immigrant Song blaring at full volume, I have one thing to say to you! AWESOME CHOICE DUDE!!!!!!!
I`m just like you ... Only smarter and better looking.