Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The only thing I`m really learning from this 401K meeting at work this morning is that I`ll probably never be able to retire.
Eggnog is perfect for when you feel like drinking a glass of pancake batter.
"I really should buckle down and get my rap album going"-Me, every time I drink
At any given time, my wallet is worth more than it’s contents.
I’m the kind of girl that would eat Doritos on her wedding day & accidentally wipe her hands on her dress.
If you workout and don`t post a status about it on Facebook, do you still lose weight?
I have a fold up treadmill under my fold up bed, so by the time I get the treadmill set up, I`m like "That`s enough exercise for today"
I hate that they put "use by" dates on condoms... like I`m not under enough pressure trying to get laid already.
She deleted and blocked me so I guess you can say we`re taking it slow now.
Just how hairy was the dude who invented a shampoo called Head & Shoulders?
Man, the first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
My buddy asked me the other night if he could crash on my couch. I had to explain to him that I`m married now and thats were I sleep...
If I`m ever in the hospital on Life Support, don`t just pull the plug. Pull it and plug it back in. Basically, see if you can reboot me.
As far as distractions go ... I like to think I`m a good one.
Sometimes when I’m feeling lonely, I head on over to Best Buy and pretend to know nothing about my phone.