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Attempting to guilt me in to doing something, is the surest way to make sure it never happens.
I have to wonder why we have "non-essential" government employees in the first place.
What is it about paper towels that makes me always want to use more than one?
Saw a post stating "taking it one day at a time," so I responded "me too. That`s how days work."
I read an actual newspaper today! For those of you who don`t understand, a newspaper is like the Internet but made of paper.
If you’re getting dirty looks because your baby is crying loudly on a plane, start crying even louder and everyone will avoid eye contact
So.. who else is sleeping naked tonight?
I`ve taken my kids all over the country, but their favorite place to be is still "in the way."
I hate it when you can’t find your phone because you left it someplace stupid like in the car or your non-dominant hand.
You are the pebble in my shoe of people
I’m planning on ringing the new year in with a kiss ... whether my dog likes it or not.
I plan my entire day around the possibility of a nap.
If I`m ever in the hospital on Life Support, don`t just pull the plug. Pull it and plug it back in. Basically, see if you can reboot me.
Light beer and turkey bacon probably won`t kill you but why take the chance??
Cops don’t like it when you ask them “Need some help?” especially when you’re wearing a Batman costume.