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Marriage is a workshop where husband works and wife shops.
So in between the 4 seconds that I missed your call and managed to call ya back, you`ve fallen off the face of the earth?
Laziness: the habit of resting before you get tired.
They say you are what you eat but what happens if you didn`t mean to eat it. I don`t want to be a bug.
Dating a single mother is like pressing continue on some one elses saved game
I hate it when my kid starts crying in the middle of the night and I have to get up to close the bedroom door.
Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably and never regret anything that made you smile ?
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can´t remember the other two.
Babies are so cute because none of them are mine.
Actually officer, I`d prefer to think that vodka smells like me.
I checked into a hotel this weekend. I told the girl I hoped the porn channel was disabled. She said "No, its just regular porn, you sicko"
As far as Im concerned, you are not my concern.
I don`t think we appreciate this era enough. For instance, none of us will see old photos of our moms whoring it up on Instagram.
Divorce... The most common home improvement project.
My ex said he would die for me. All I`m saying is, it was his suggestion.