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Sorry I’m cranky. I didn’t get my nap in today.
There’s nothing better than a nap after a good nights sleep.
96% of my life is spent trying to figure out when I can get my next nap in.
Yikes. don`t google "cream pies", google "cream pie recipes"
Never take advice from me, you`ll only end up drunk......
If pigs could fly.. Would I be able to get high on bacon?
I’m on that new diet where you eat everything and hope for a miracle!
I pointed to two hags sitting across the bar from us and told my friend "That`s us in 10 years". She said "That`s a mirror".
Today my role will be played by an overworked, under caffeinated, sarcastic, unstable, asshole. Consider this my disclaimer for the day.
The downside of dating intelligent women is having to Google what they call you when it ends badly
I call it a Cupcake Salad. And I don`t see how it`s any of your business.
One day id like to have a brand new Iphone like the lady in front of me with the food stamps.
Idiots are fun, no wonder every village wants one.
CPR is the human version of blowing in to a video game cartridge hoping it`ll work again.
Having a 14 year old has made me realize why some species eat their young.