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If a man speaks at sea where no women can hear, is he still wrong?
Everyone has their area of expert knowledge.... if any of you need tips on how to do absolutely nothing amazingly well, let me know.
I give myself the best presents.
I need a Shazam app for people I`m supposed to recognize but can`t remember
If we could master the look dogs have when we’re eating in front of them, we’d be able to have sex with any woman at will.
I always try to behave but there are usually too many other options.
You know you`re desperate for an answer when you look on the second page of Google.
I`m not the type of person you want to put on speaker during a phone conversation.
People who live in bouncy castles shouldn’t throw darts.
I believe in karma which means I can do bad things to people all day long and just assume they deserve it.
Does shaking the vending machine count as working ...
Dance like no one´s going to put it on YouTube.
Dreams are like pictures. I don`t care about yours unless I`m in them.
A book fell on my head, I can only blame my shelf.
I once met a guy who was addicted to huffing brake fluid. He said he could stop any time.