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If Plan A doesn’t work, the alphabet has 25 more letters. Keep calm.
You can tell how a persons life is going by how they press the crosswalk button.
Famous people could rob banks wearing masks of themselves and they`d never get caught.
Money can buy imitation happiness. I’m cool with that.
This beer tastes like future mistakes.
I hate it when chicks wear pink camo. I`m like, "girl" where you hiding? Candyland?
I think people who challenge me at Words With Friends are most impressed with my vast knowledge of three letter words.
Lord, it`s me... Can you close your eyes for a couple minutes while I deal with a slight problem?
I was only 6 numbers away from winning the powerball.
Good morning my friends ... Wait a minute ... What the f*ck am I doing up this early.
I have always been suspicious of Wendy`s hamburgers because they are square; much unlike the round hamburgers one finds in nature.
Sorry, just got your text. Are we still on for last night?
I don’t just act crazy, I’ll drive you there too.
10 times out of 9, you’ll find me exaggerating about something
I don´t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.