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That awkward moment when im in the Airport, I walk through the metal detector, and my abs of steel set it off
You`re as useless as a referee in the WWE
In post apocalyptic movies everyone wears leather ... but there are no cows.
I bet sex is great when I`m not the only one in the room.
The real reason I`m not a superhero.... Pockets, I need my pockets.
Last New Year my resolution was 1920x1080 , this year it`s to be less of a nerd.
New documentary movie about white trash ... I only saw the trailer...
I have no problem admitting that you made a mistake.
Nice try "Private Caller", but I wont`t answer even if I know you.
The nice thing about being single is when you`re setting the silverware, it doesn`t matter which side you put the remote on.
Men ask us if we`re naked when we tell them we`re taking a bath. THAT`S why they pay more for their car insurance.
If there’s one thing that I’ve learned it’s, that I should have learned way more than one thing.
$10 says some idiot is gonna hear the word Ebola and think "that`d be a great name for my new baby!"
I`m bored, I think I`ll ask my boyfriend if I look fat. - women
I think I speak for everyone here when I say "I haven`t the slightest idea as to where my life is headed"