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I thought Row vs. Wade was Washington`s decision when he reached the Delaware.
I got some new underwear. Well, new to me...
Sometimes “Girl`s night out” means she has just taken her bra off
Sometimes, I like to stalk random strangers vacation pic`s, and tag myself as one of the people in the background just for laughs.
I knew I`d be a great parent. Kids aren`t nearly as difficult to take care of as my drunk friends.
Despite the old saying, "Don`t take your troubles to bed", many women still sleep with their husbands.
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain realizes what I`m doing.
My give a damn is busted! Parts on backorder....
Mom said angels are watching over me. I`m just afraid they`re taking notes to make sure I go to hell.
Men are great listeners when you have big boobs ;)
How much time has to pass before grave robbing is considered archaeology?
Calories? I think you mean delicious points!
That moment of shame when an automatic door doesn`t open for you
I eat my corn on the cob like an old-school typewriter. This is how the 80`s cartoons taught me to do it as a kid.
I wouldn`t do much for a Klondike Bar; I would however get naked for beer.