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My goal today is to lose this hangover and earn another
When girls have a great night out, they talk about it for months. When guys have a great night out, that night will never be spoken of.
Had a blast doing my Black Friday tradition!!!! I slept!
Sometimes, I wish I could fast forward the time just to see if in the end it`s all worth it.
You`re never too old to learn something stupid.
I`ll show up at the gym when they put in a drive-thru.
Got arrested at the airport last week. Apparently, security doesn`t appreciate it when you call "shotgun" before boarding a plane.
I try to live by two rules: 1. Don’t make fun of stupid people (they cant help it) 2. Don’t be stupid (people will make fun of you)
I chose the wrong fork in the road, took the road less travelled and got off the beaten path and now I don`t know where the hell I am.
You know you`re broke when your Bologna Does Not have a first name!
From all these shows I`ve watched it seems like snipers lay down a lot of the day....I`d probably be pretty good at that job.
I suggest we drink before we go out drinking.
How many days in a row do you have to wear the same clothes until you’re legally a cartoon?
I got kicked out of a fancy dress party on the weekend, because I was wearing nothing but a red shirt. Not my fault nobody has heard of Winnie the Pooh!!
Carrots may be good for your eyes, but alcohol will double your vision.