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You wouldn`t believe all the cool stuff I find when I`m under my bed playing.
Surgery beds are basically cutting boards for humans.
I bet anyone who`s had to fight a bear has snuck at least one hug in
Should have never gave my cat a lemon, now he’s walking around like a sour puss.
How do you people have the time to hate a stranger on the internet?
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
don`t kiss the monitor, just ask me nicely..
Wishing a happy unbirthday to everybody who`s birthday isn`t today.
The best part about being an adult is, nobody can tell you, you can`t have ice cream for breakfast.
Well I just finished up some spring cleaning. Holy crap, owning a Slinky can be such a hassle.
New Life Goal: Get a job where people ask me, "You actually get paid for doing this?"
And today I learned to never ask a woman how she dye`s her roots black.
When I think of a good status in the shower, I run out dripping & naked and post it before the internet ends and it’s too late.
It`s only a matter of time until "Security cameras of Wal-Mart" become a hit reality show.
I keep my land line so I can find my cell phone.