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I may look like I`m doing nothing, but in my head I`m quite busy.
According to astronomy, when you wish upon a star, You`re actually a few million years late. That star is dead, just like your dreams.
I read that a banana a day will help keep your colon clean. I just wish they would’ve mentioned that you’re supposed to eat them.....
Does any one know how to lower the difficulty settings on tinder?
That awkward moment when you have 10+ tabs open and you can`t figure out which one the music is coming from. FML
I always close my eyes when I kiss a woman. Experience tells me that if my eyes are open, I get a lot more pepper spray in them.
Success sleeps with u in private. Failure insults u in public ! Aa
Today is the first day of the rest of your life, but so was yesterday, and look how that turned out...
"Dont make me regret this!" is something I say to myself every time I accept a facebook friendship from a relative.
In my experience, most arguments are caused by a misunderstanding of the fact that I`m right.
I`m holding cheerleader tryouts for my fantasy football team
Hate it when I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket and it’s not even in there.
How do you start a rave in Ethiopia? Glue a piece of toast to the ceiling
Can you imagine if Facebook and Twitter just decided to shut down and you see all these confused people coming out of their house squinting at the sun.
believes saying "hi" with a big smile can brighten anyone´s day ... even those who give you the middle finger for cutting them off in traffic.