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If I could turn invisible I’d go to Paris and beat up a performing street mime… The amount of applause he’d get would be amazing!
I am so deep in the friendzone I have been introduced to her boyfriend`s parents.
Calm down mechanic guy. Just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other shit wrong with my car I`d turn the radio down.
These techno songs last longer than my first marriage
So what if I`m single now ... I mean it can`t be that hard to boil toast, can it?
Looking back, it was a good thing I was too wasted to fire up the chainsaw.
Any amusement you may have experienced from my past posts are in no way a guarantee of future performance.... Please initial here and sign here.
What if there actually is one legit Nigerian millionaire prince who genuinely needs to use your bank account?
I knew we were gonna be friends when you ran into that wall.
You have no idea how funny I am to me.
Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is go to bed.
I`m sleeping in tell Friday so ... Happy Tuesday.
I bet all those girls that ignored me in high school would still be pretty pleased with that decision.
This isn`t a bakery. We don`t sugarcoat sh!t
My favorite part of The Notebook is when I turned it off and watched Terminator 3 instead.