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Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain.
I`m a huge fan of screaming "You`re welcome" really loud when people don`t say thank you...
It is literally impossible to prove that Harry Potter wasn`t just in his parents basement on acid the whole time
A funny thing to do would be to text random numbers with "I got the live bees you sent, they`ll do nicely"
Walmart calls them self checkouts, I call them I might not pay for some of this.
That amazing moment when you smack the remote and it actually works!
I don`t have ADHD. I have ADOLS. Attention deficit..OH LOOK! Skittles!
I am at my most hostage negotiator when I see my 3 year old with a permanent marker without a lid.
Why would I pay someone to scare me at a haunted house when I could just open a can of biscuits at home?
Tip for Sunday Church: Don`t forget to keep your phones on silent, especially if your ringtone is `I like big butts and I do not lie!`
I think my smart phone is making fun of me behind my back.
I`ve decided to take some time off Facebook so I can focus on work and, ok, I`m back
If you feel bad because you didn’t do well on a final, just remember someone from your hometown is still trying to become a rapper.
You don`t know true competition until you`re one of the last two people in musical chairs.
I went somewhere earlier and saw a frog parked illegally and the poor thing got toad!!