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A woman saying “I’m not mad at you” is like a dentist saying “You won’t feel a thing.”
I only drank twice last week....Once for three days and once for four days
Yes, I know how to shut up. I just don´t know when.
I love to start my day by getting on Facebook to see who is a whiny little bi!ch today.
I still believe in love. But I also believe in sasquatch, nessy, and that I could win the lottery. So there`s that....
Bend over and take it like a taxpayer.
Some people see a glass as half empty. Some see a glass as half full. Most need to get a life & do something besides stare at glasses.
Why is it that flies can get in your car so easy, but can`t figure out how to escape with all the windows down.
You never know what you have until..... you clean your room
I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken.
OMG!! IT`S MONDAY ... What the f*ck do you think comes after Sunday, Sunday JR. ?
Thinking about staying in tonight? Nobody looks back in life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep.
Last night a movie theatre was robbed of $1000. The thieves took one large bag of popcorn, a combo meal, and a box of milk duds.
Being in hot water isn`t so bad if you throw in some bubbles and a glass of champagne.
I wonder if the girls on "16 and pregnant," will come back on "32 and a Grandma."