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Why isn`t a menu board at a coffee house called JavaScript?
Half the lies they tell about me aren`t true
99% of people in this world are stupid. Luckily I`m part of the other 5%.
When I get bored I go to a car dealership and ask the salesman to lay in the trunk so I can "see how many I`ll be able to fit".
Am I the only one that always puts my wallet back into my pocket before getting my change back?
Never underestimate a girl’s ability to find things out.
Rough day! I have now completed the top 6 things off my to-do list ... Time to go get another six pack I guess.
No matter what you do on the computer you always end up on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or Youtube.
The hardest part about going through a divorce is finding a hitman you can trust.
The thought of having my own kids is scary because anyone who`s half me and half someone dumb enough to have sex with me is doomed
If you added up all the time you waste on Facebook, think how much TV you could watch.
I feel sorry for men who don’t know how to value women. One look at a woman and I know how much she will cost me.
Life`s short ... Drink fast
People who say you can´t buy happiness just don´t know where to shop.
If nobody comes from the future to stop you, how bad can the decision really be?