Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`ve done a lot of things over the years ... But acting normal has never been one of them.
Your lights are on but I see someone’s been playing with your dimmer switch.
FYI fellas: if you wake up with some chick and you can`t remember her name, take her to Starbucks. They`ll write her name on the cup for ya!!!
The real trouble with reality is that there´s no background music
Sometimes it takes me 8 hours to get nothing done.
A drunk man walks into a bar...but enough about me...
If you think your wife has a great sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes. Not the best idea a man ever had ;)
Gyms are full of people that haven`t found the right couch.
so far so good.... no unexpected father`s day cards or presents!
I like to take, long, romantic walks, to the fridge. <3
I`m about to eat gas station breakfast. Tell my family that I love them.
My bed and I are in a good relationship, and my alarm clock is so0o jealous...
I almost forgot to upload a pic of my Starbucks coffee. What a waste of coffee that would have been!
Made the decision that I`m done having kids. Yet every morning I wake up and there they are asking me for breakfast.
I’m totally fine with favoritism as long as I’m the favorite.