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Drinking doesn’t make me post better Facebook statuses; it simply makes me not care what you think of them…
Puttin the `eff it` in efficient today.
If puppies could talk I would never even want to try and make human friends ever again.
I`m really good at making poor decisions. You`re my favorite so far.
I have an oven with a "stop time" button. It´s probably meant to be "stop timer" but I don´t touch it, just in case.
Don´t believe all the rumours you hear about me, the truth is much worse.
Parallel park, like nobody’s laughing.
I’m not a biologist but I’m pretty sure the difference between a moth and a butterfly is that a moth is really ugly.
Remember to make some bad decisions today. 20 years from now that’s all you’ll have to make your kids think you’re cool.
“I” before “E” especially after “P”. Mmmm pie
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face.
If at first you don`t succeed, find out where she lives.
I`d be much more attracted to you if you were much more attractive.
For a one-way mission to Mars, we should send a blogger. Not so they can blog about the experience, but so there`d be one less blogger.
My boss yelled at me yesterday "It`s the fifth time you`ve been late to work this week! Do you know what that means?!" I said, "Probably that it`s Friday?"…