Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My kids keep bugging me about dinner even after I told them I already ate...
They told me to come here and write something funny, so I`m gonna post my bank account balance: -$4.09
The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance you won`t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game and I`ll play mine.
Thanks to the State Farm commercial now I want a Falcon.
There are now 4 sides to every story. Yours, mine, the truth & the Internets version.
Facebook made billions by saying “Hey, remember that kid you haven’t seen since the third grade? He’s a parent who hates Obama now.”
My kitchen is actually nothing more than a fruit hospice
Sometimes people come into your life and they need to stop doing that
You posted a drunk selfie last night at 2:04 AM and then deleted it five minutes later. But I took a screenshot. Let`s negotiate.
I`ll tell you what`s wrong with modern society. Nobody ever drinks out of the skulls of their enemies anymore.
My doctor is concerned about my high blood pressure. I told him, next time, don`t leave me sitting in the waiting room for two hours.
A bird in the hand is the best way to eat chicken.
Everyone picks their nose at some point, it`s what you choose to do next that defines who you are as a person.
That urge you get to write "No one gives a sh!t" on someone`s status..
Intelligence is like underwear. It`s important that you have it but there`s no need to show it off.