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Summer vacation: Where you drink triple, see double and act single.
I`m ashamed of what I did for a Klondike bar.
Only thing harder than quitting cold turkey is quitting warm ham. It`s delicious.
I always honk when I drive by homeless guys sleeping, just in case they overslept for a meeting
You look like you only got about 5 of your 8 hours of beauty sleep last night...
You know those people who get all excited and lovey with puppies at pet stores? Same. But I`m in a liquor store.
Why is it when people ask you "what three things would you bring with you on a deserted island?" , no one ever replies, "A BOAT"
Do you ever dislike someone so much that you hate when people are nice to them?
i just caught a disease so rare that even i dont have it .
Day 1. I am thankful that I haven`t fallen into the trap of Facebook thankful status updates.
why do people with bad teeth always have a smile on there face
Dear Car driving 40mph on the highway this morning. It`s only a 1/4“ of snow plus you have a "Jesus Fish" on your bumper. You`ll be just fine.
Why hasn`t anyone written a sequal song to "Jessie`s Girl" ... Where he discovers what an incredible high maintenance drag she is?
This is not the status message you are looking for .... Move along
I fake my lol`s