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I don`t need glasses ... I drink straight from the bottle.
I don`t care how smart your phone is, it`s not going to change how stupid you are.
It hurts to be in love. Oh wait, I`m sitting on my keys.
Two Best Advices For Safe Life : 1. Always Speak The Truth, No Matter How Bitter Harsh It Is ... 2. Run Immediately After Saying It..
Why is it that the most interesting things in life usually aren`t in our best interest?
Just realized I have more in common with Garfield than I have with most people
I love that moment when I`m cruising down the highway listening to country music and I suddenly realize "wait a minute I can change the station!"
20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please dont let Kevin Bacon die!
You are living proof that the Lord is testing me.
I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make 1 wool sweater. I didn`t even know they knew how to knit.
Do you think when Spider-Man gets stoned with Batman and the Hulk he sometimes thinks the spider on his chest is real and freaks out?
I don’t make mistakes too often, but when I do it’s your fault.
When I see a girl with too much makeup, I just want to use my finger to write "Wash Me" on her face.
Another year has passed. I`ve just about given up on the Mayans.
Sure, I`ll show up at your Halloween Party... I`ll be coming as the invisible man....