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I’m cutting the sleeves off my Snuggie because it makes me look more badass.
Welcome to journalism, where everything is made up, and the sources don`t matter.
Talking louder does not make you any less wrong.
Dear grumpy people: donuts are only $.99
Hell hath no fury like your kid catching you throw away ANYTHING, EVER. I smuggle out broken crayons like a Mexican drug lord..
Just found a hole in my sock and now I`m worried that the whole drawer might be pregnant.
Congratulations! You`ve won a lifetime supply of air: Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.
I can tell a police officer is gay by the way he writes me a ticket instead of letting me off with a warning.
Yes, autocorrect, that`s right. I hate that stupid ditch
I`m not afraid of identity theft. Go ahead and enjoy being broke and having my dad call you a failure.
Even if you don`t pay, they`ll usually let you go through a car wash at least once a day without a car.
Nice try salad bars, there`s only one kinda bar I plan on attending.
Nothing says “friend zone” quite like a woman saying “you’re like a brother to me.” Unless you’re from Alabama.
It`s the little things in life that count, like pills.
They say money doesn`t bring you happiness.... I say....neither does being broke....