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PRINCIPAL: are you the new english teacher? TEACHER: yes i are.
Being rich doesn`t equal happiness but i`d rather cry in a ferrari
Do these `Skinny Jeans` make my blood circulation look more than purple or less than purple?
H&R Block said I won`t get nearly as much back in taxes this year because apparently the neighbors want to claim their own children.
Oh honey, you`re not pretty enough to be that stupid
If your that person that makes microwave popcorn at work, nobody likes you.
I`m losing my mind, but as long as I keep the part that tells me when I gotta pee, I should be OK
Hey,,,, I said I`d be there in 10 minutes... Quit calling me every half hour.
I could write an entire book on excuses,,, but I have to pick my grandma up at the airport.
How am I supposed to show a girl I like her, if I can’t even make her a mix tape anymore?
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed a bottle of food coloring. The doctor says I`m OK, but I feel like I`ve dyed a little inside.
I`m not anti-social I`m just pro leave me the f*ck alone.
I`d go to church if they had Wi-Fi.
I got kicked out of a fancy dress party on the weekend, because I was wearing nothing but a red shirt. Not my fault nobody has heard of Winnie the Pooh!!
*Baby on board* Oh really? Thanks for letting me know, I was about to ram into your car, but now I won’t.