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If Plan A doesn’t work, the alphabet has 25 more letters. Keep calm.
Driving with your gas tank door open is the equivalent to having your zipper down.
You can always tell the guys that masturbate a lot by looking at their hands. If you look close enough you can see their wedding ring.
The older I get .... The more dangerous it is to sneeze
Dont piss me off...I`ll give your number to all the kids and tell them it`s Santa`s hot line!
The right man breaks your headboard, not your heart.
Have you ever stopped to think, and forgot to start again?
Woke up this morning with a HUGE smile on my face....damn kids and thier sharpies.
We can`t all be princesses, somebody has to clap as I go by. :P
After I clear my browser history I do a quick google search for things like "feeding the hungry" and "How to thank a loving wife"
I don’t mind going to work. It’s that eight-hour wait to go home that bugs me.
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house.
Be careful when you`re watching a movie with your wife. You`re gonna get blamed for whatever the guy in the movie does.
What`s wrong with having your mind in the gutter all the time?! If it weren`t for the gutter, my mind would be homeless!!!
People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world.