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I just saw a hot mom at McDonalds spank her kid after he threw his fries on the ground, so I threw my fries on the ground too.
If you think this status is funny someone you hate will step on a lego.
Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate.
I have a great relationship with Alcohol..
I make one mistake and my pharmacist now adds "by mouth" on the prescription label.
"Who`s this clown?" - every guy about every other guy who is in a photo with a girl we like
You never hear skinny people saying, "I`m just small boned."
Life is Hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.
I think it`s safe to take the fax numbers off our business cards, now, everybody.
three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere "Hold my purse."
Always end a conversation with "gotta run" so people think you`re into fitness
Some people never go crazy...... What truly horrible lives they must live
I will be responsible for my actions when my actions become more responsible.
"Crazy" is just another name for "Someone who knows how to have fun"
Nothing says “friend zone” quite like a woman saying “you’re like a brother to me.” Unless you’re from Alabama.