Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The discharge paperwork at the hospital seems to be expedited a little quicker if you roam up and down the hall with the back of your hospital gown untied.
There’s a wild side to EVERY innocent face.
Sorry that most of my hilarious jokes are borderline inappropriate. And by sorry, I mean you`re welcome.
People always get offended when you call their baby ugly, but they never understand that they`ve offended you by showing you an ugly baby.
Why don`t we wait for life on other planets to find us? Why do we have to do all the work?
I gotta go guys. I just found out my lunch break isn`t 3 hours long.
Don`t play dumb with me. That`s a game you can`t win.
Over 500 channels and not a DAMN THING to watch! I suppose I should subscribe to some of them...
Indecisiveness is just mental constipation.
Pretty sure one of my ex-girlfriends added the, "are you still listening?" feature on Pandora.
If at first you don’t succeed, you shouldn’t diffuse bombs.
If you can`t tell the difference between delivery and Digiorno then you`re a f***ing idiot.
I just lost my mood ring, I don`t know how I feel about that.
I’m not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced.
She caught my iphone before it hit the ground... She`s definitely my screensaver