Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Why hasn`t anyone invented a button next to the snooze which emails your boss to say you`re gonna be late?
It`s amazing how we are very good lawyers for our own mistakes and very good Judges for other people`s mistakes.
I just want one spam email that`s like, "Congratulations! You have a perfect-sized p*nis."
If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written "f*ck off forever" instead of "keep in touch" in your yearbook.
Too bad the little guy "Tattoo" from Fantasy Island isn`t around anymore. They could ask HIM where the plane is!
Netflix is a lot like facebook in the way I just waste time scrolling and scoffing at things.
It`s not an attitude problem, it`s the way I am.
My credit score is just a picture of me crying in the front yard of a nice house.
Day 1-365: I am thankful for Veterans.
A friend came over visibly shaken. He said he had just slept with his 3rd cousin. I told him, if it upsets you that much quit counting them.
I spend hours on Facebook and then think, “Well, that was pointless”
Every time I`m not with my kid and someone asks me "Where`s the baby?" I just yell "Oh crap!" and run in the direction I came from.
As a Harry Potter fan, I wanted to go to Hogwarts. As a Hunger Games fan, not so much...
I threw a shotgun shell at my daughter`s date. ..then I told him it`s much faster after 11pm
You know you should goto sleep when the sheep you`re counting start hitting the fence.