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Naps are tricky because you either wake up refreshed and relaxed or you have a headache, dry throat, and are unaware of what year you`re in.
Whatever I did to make you hate me, I’d like to know. I have other people I can use that on.
Back in my day, we had to remember phone numbers and give people directions and don`t get me started on the dinosaurs.
The part of "no" that I don´t understand is the part where I don´t get what I want
I had to defrost the fridge last night before bed. Or foreplay, as she calls it.
Spinning in circles to get dizzy as a child was my first attempt at getting high.
200 pictures of you at the bar and 2 pictures with your kids. You must be quite the mom.
How to tell if your wife is mad at you - Step 1. She is
Pinatas are a great way to teach children that if you repeatedly beat something with a stick, eventually you`ll get what you want.
Talk to me long enough and you`ll realize why I`m single.
I told my family that I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle…So, they got up, unplugged my computer, and threw out my wine.
Single women come home, see what`s in the fridge and go to bed...while married women come home see what`s in the bed and go to the fridge.
Real friends show me their boobs
I usually want to post intelligent and witty comments. But I end up posting stupid and funny ones so my friends can understand them.
Wondering if my heart is healthy enough for sex ... volunteers needed.