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I love the show Gotham....OBSESSED!!! But they constantly have the Twitter hashtag #gotham in the corner of the screen, and I`m always thinking..."No I don`t have ham! But I want ham." Sometimes I miss parts of the showing thinking about the fact that I don`t have ham..... Obviously I need to have ham on the menu every Monday night. #noidontgotham
Okay, calm down. Its a spider. Just one tiny litt- HOLY MOLY IT MOVED!
if the shoe fits wear it , if it too tight take it off
My will has a list of friends not allowed to speak at my funeral.
If I`m not back in ten minutes ... then just wait longer.
Kids today are so coddled- Elf on the Shelf, Toy Story. In my day, if dolls magically came to life, they murdered you and everyone you loved
Today is national I don`t feel like doing sh!t today. Celebrate accordingly.
The toughest thing in business is minding your own.
The key to a long relationship: Keep the fights clean and the sex dirty.
Car commercials make driving around in empty parking structures look fun and normal and not suspicious or kidnappy.
You know it`s a classy establishment when they quietly ask you to leave.
Surprise your wife today. Sell all her shoes and buy something nice for yourself.
Is there any way to really know how many camouflage shirts are in your house?
There are weight limits on car seats, airlines, skydiving, military, horseback riding, kayaks, and bikes……how is it there are no weight limit on high heels?
Hello, fire department? Is this Mr. February? Yeah, I`m stuck in a tree. Uh, I mean... meooow.