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The high cost of livin ain`t nothin like the cost of livin high
There should be an "undo" button in an elevator for when you accidentally hit the wrong floor.
I can`t believe that it`s almost the year 2014 and I still have to bend down to pick stuff up.
I slept like a rock last night, meaning I woke up in the flower bed with the house key under my belly.
How long do I microwave this 14 lb turkey?
Iām simply on reserve for the one who deserves
I regret buying that straight jacket now. I thought it would look good on me but I just couldn`t pull it off...
Kids, because why would you want to sleep on more than 6 inches of your king size bed?
So far,,, I`ve spent 300% of this week exaggerating.
Decided to get in touch with my feminine side today... I made myself a sandwich!
The best two kinds of beer in this world are....Cold & Free..
I`m the type of person who goes out to a restaurant and orders a veggie burger with cheese and bacon on it.
It`s funny how we all sleep differently. I sleep on my side, my roommate sleeps on his back. My ex sleeps with everybody. That sort of thing.
Relationships are not a test... So why cheat?
I was going to give you a nasty look but I see you already have one!