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I`m sorry I hurt your feelings. When I called you stupid, I really thought you already knew..
This one isnt that funny, keep scrolling.
Make Tomorrow More Fun: Unplug the copier at work & put a sign on it that says “now voice activated!” Sit back & watch the magic unfold
My Boss requested me on facebook. I was like "pssst". If only he knew all the sh*t I post about his ugly @$$.
Life is basically one long, terrible date with yourself.
I really hate it when I have to watch the same channel for 2 days because the remote fell behind the couch.
If Kutcher went to Sheen and said It`s still your show, this was all a joke and yelled "You got Punked" it would be the greatest prank ever.
Screw your recommended serving size. You don`t know me.
If I’ve offended you with my posts, I humbly apologize. I honestly didn’t think you could read.
After a year in therapy my psychiatrist said to me " maybe life isn`t for everyone"
Sometimes, the light at the end of the tunnel is just a lost guy with a flashlight.
ATM`s need to have breathalyzers.
I like to skip when I`m carrying my flamethrower cause no one ever suspects a skipping girl of starting fires.
Anyone else pretend to work all day while thinking about big boobs instead?
Buy a "World`s Greatest Boss" mug and drink out of it in front of your boss.