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They should have cell phone chargers in waiting rooms instead of magazines.
Share this if you are weird and don`t care
The worst thing about that guy who posts non-stop gym updates is that all that exercise is gonna make him live longer.
Perfect relationships exist in thoughts, movies, and Facebook timelines.
Girls don`t dress for boys, they dress for themselves... If girls dressed for boys, they`d just walk around naked all the time.
Cold? Try Netflix. You’ll still be cold, but you’ll be watching Netflix.
If my kids knew there was a light in the oven, they`d leave that one on too.
I love how twix come with two bars so I can eat one now and the other immediately after
My daily routine: Wake up, be awesome, go back to sleep.
I read somewhere that we only use 10% of our brains. I wonder what the other half is for?
Just got legitimately excited when I remembered I can pay a person to drive a pizza to my house
Do I have a plan for the zombie apocalypse? I don`t even have a battery in my smoke detector...
Yesterday I fell off a 50 foot ladder. It`s probably a good thing I was on the bottom step...
It`s always the rednecks that know all the inner most conspiracies of the government.
Cute things to put in a letter to your boyfriend/girlfriend; I adore you. You complete me. Must stay 500 yards away at all times.