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Lady: what Colour are my eyes? Man: 34D
You really understand how drunk you are when you`re peeing...
I hate when our cat runs into the room, hisses at an empty chair then runs back out and I end up in the bathtub holding a crucifix.
Someday we’ll look back on all this and pretend not to remember it.
I just became a professional Counterfeiter, I even have the certificates to prove it.
I am starting to think I will never be old enough to know better.
Apparently there is no age limit on ignorance.
Respect your parents, they pay for your internet.
Gotta thin the herd. – me eating animal crackers
Did you know you can buy live lobsters? Anyway, can I use your shower mine is full of lobsters.
HR have advised that I’m not allowed to ask my chubby co-workers if they ate my missing stapler.
Line forms here for spankings
When the coffee stops working it is probably the right time to start drinking.
Doing something weird and thinking “this is why I’m single”.
She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found `mute` by now.