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The closest I got to a 4.0 at university… was my blood alcohol level!
You don’t look like 200 likes in person.
I just ate what I thought was a feta cheese crumble from my salad off my shirt. Turns out it was deodorant. So how`s your day going?
People who walk while looking at their phones and expect me to get out of the way... LOL.
I have a million dollar idea that I will share with the first million people to send me a dollar.......
I want my tombstone to say "It didn`t make me stronger."
The trouble with living alone is that it`s always my turn to do dishes.
I have a black belt in leather
I’m not the kind of person you ever put on speaker phone.
I wonder if Earth makes fun of the Moon for having no life.
I would really like to help you move your furniture tomorrow, but I’m going to be too busy sitting on mine.
People say I`m too patronising (that means I treat them as if they`re stupid).
Women fall in love by what they hear. Men fall in love by what they see. That’s why most women wear makeup and most men lie.
I’m in a rush to go home and do absolutely nothing.
The 4 stages of a relationship: 1. I like you 2. I love you 3. I hate you 4. Arson