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In the morning instead of having coffee and reading my horoscope, I have coffee and unfriend anyone who posts their horoscope.
Hendrix didn`t need to twerk on stage. He performed the old fashioned way, relying only on his musical talents and near lethal doses of LSD.
LIFE TIP: The early worm gets dismembered, and eaten alive!
have you ever been like "what`s the day today? ... no i mean the like the number".
I`m sorry I got salsa on your baby, and I`m extra sorry I scraped it off with a chip
Accidentally used AOL.com, I betting the employees there are celebrating and think they have a sure future.
I answered the door in my underwear. That WAS the tip, pizza guy!
Definitely never want to own a small fruit stand in an action movie.
Some people have to learn lessons the hard way. Like with a bat. A bat is hard.
Blacking out when you’re drunk is god’s way of telling you that it’s none of your business what you do when you’re drunk.
Wait till the people so excited about all-day breakfast at McDonald`s find out they can make breakfast at home whenever they want.
University; It`s like being unemployed, but your parents are proud of you.
Deaf people don`t have safe words, they use stop signs.
How do you start a rave in Ethiopia? Glue a piece of toast to the ceiling
Why do we call it the Sun instead of a space heater?