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How come know-it-alls, don`t know how annoying they are?
If you’re gonna flip out on your Facebook, don’t delete it all the next day. Some of us still want to share your meltdown with our friends.
It`s never your successful friends posting the inspirational quotes.
If someone hates you for no apparent reason, give them one.
Tis the season to throw your diet out the window.
Sometimes I wish you could ask the pharmacist to "make it a double".
So she asked me "Do these pants make my butt look big?" And I said, "Not at all dear .. its the fat that does that." So now I´m single again.
Facebook is serious. I put more thought into whether or not to accept a friend request than whether or not to sleep with someone.
Think about what last call would look like if Walmart had a bar
Beer doesn’t have that many vitamins in it…that’s why you have to drink a lot.
My phone dies faster than a black man in a horror film.
Tonight I’m going to have my favorite drink. It’s called “a lot.”
Why do grown ups pay to go to gyms to exercise on expensive equipment? Can`t we meet at a park after work and play tag until dark?
I could scroll down my Facebook page and write a country song!!
Cooking tip of the day: Rub your eyes BEFORE you dice the jalapenos...