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Men like football because the priorities in football are also the biggest priorities in every man’s life…. Scoring and Ball Security.
Learn cursive, they said. You`ll need it your whole life, they said.
The only way I want to see your ultrasound picture is if you`re having a velociraptor.
Some people are just bad news!!! Those are my favorite!
In my experience, most arguments are caused by a misunderstanding of the fact that I’m right.
You really can`t say your laundry is done unless you are completely naked
These people keep looking at me like I`m the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The Fourth of July was an annual reminder of how useless my dog would be in a war.?
They say that alcohol kills slowly. So what! Who wants to be in a hurry?!?
Can I have your number or do you just want the 8 dollars for the drink?
I think my smart phone is making fun of me behind my back.
drinking 2% milk, wondering what the other 98% is...
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house.
Spontaneity is great ... as long as I have a plan.
is here. Now what are your other two wishes?