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The hardest part about being rejected is that I end up liking them even more as a person for their ability to make great decisions.
I typed bitch into my GPS and guess what? I`m in your drive way. Vroom, vroom mother f*%ker.
I don`t know why beer companies bother with an expiration date. It`s never going to make it anywhere near that.
Pain makes you stronger. Tears make you braver. A broken heart makes you wiser. And alcohol makes you not remember any of that sh!t.
I always thought a chickpea was just when girls go to the bathroom in groups.
Billion Dollar Idea: An app that deletes your phone number from other people`s phones.
Every time I start to feel happy I remember the shingles virus is already inside me.
"You CAN even."- white girl life coach
no one is perfect thats why pencil have eraser
My brain has too many tabs open.
Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
Happy Birthday to all those ladies that their men forgot about because it falls on Super Bowl Sunday this year.
I wonder if there`s a margarita somewhere out there thinking about me, too.
There are 2 kinds of coworkers. The ones who keep iPhone 5 chargers at their desks and the ones whose names I don`t know.
A quiet man, is a thinking man. A quiet woman, is usually mad.