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I think sex is probably the best stress reliever, but I haven’t beaten anyone with a baseball bat before, so I can’t be 100% sure.
Technically, it isn`t pre-marital sex if you have no intention of getting married.
No matter how little I do in a day. I always feel like I could have done less.
The next time you feel you’re worthless…. just remember…. your organs are worth a LOT of money on the black market.
That awkward moment when you gently toss your phone on the bed and it bounces off 3 walls, breaks 2 lamps and kills a cat...
Of course I`m using OJ as a mixer, it`s flu season.
I always wrap someone`s fist bump with my high five because paper beats rock.
What is an Amish girls favourite fantasy? Two Mennonite
Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you and your motivational crap is far away
If someone says “you’re funny” instead of laughing, you’re not.
People who cook Hot Pockets in the oven, Where are you getting all this free time?
It needs more cowbell!!
Is there any way to really know how many camouflage shirts are in your house?
I went around the block with my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.
Dear wind, what has my hair ever done to you?