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The ceiling fan DOES NOT make a good lettuce shredder....
"And then I rented a monster truck and drove it through their f*cking house!" - How all my stories would end if I was a billionaire.
Bitches be trippin..... ok, maybe I pushed that one.
Was building a website for women drivers ... Bloody thing kept crashing.
Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advise.
My dog is a typical guy, I talk to him and he’s all wagging his tail, but I know he’s not listening. I get it ladies.
I`m not mental, other wise the rubber duckies would have told me by now...
I add "Drink Beer" to my weekend to-do list so I know I`ll at least get one thing done.
If those Febreeze commercials with rooms filled with stinking, rotting garbage convince you to buy their product. Here`s a heads up for you........ You need to clean your freaking house!!!
When blondes have more fun do they know it?
Dear Life, Please, use a Lubricant.
If you`re feeling bored, find a group photo of four girls on instagram and then comment "you three look great!" Wait and grab popcorn.
I finished your laundry, the ashes are in the fireplace.
Due to the rising cost of ammunition I will no longer be able to provide a warning shot. Thanks for your understanding.
Why can`t we just change the spelling to fit the way it sounds: Bologna = Bolony Lasagna = lasania knife= nife tsunami = sunami politician = a$$hole