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Half the journey is knowing where you’re parked.
So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I’d say it’s been a success.
Just googled "who gives a sh!t?" My name wasn`t in the search results.
Irish Handcuffs: Holding a beer in each hand.
Zoos would be cooler if you had to fight each animal before you could see the next one.
I imagine a world where whining on Facebook is illegal.
Don`t worry about the grass on the other side. It`s not your grass.
OMG! I just discovered that if I align them JUST right, that I can make your boobs stand straight up (just like the broom trick)! Message me for an appointment! ;)
FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: “Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?”
I do my best proofreading after I hit send.
When I`m all out of alcohol...haha! Just kidding! I`d never let that scenario become a reality.
Whenever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth ... and drink all the vodka inside ... It seems to help
This would be a lot more fun drunk - Me, to everything.
Plumber: you have hard water. Me: you mean like ice?
I wanna lie on the floor and not think for a month or two.