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ASKHOLE: A person who constantly ask for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them
I`d walk barefoot across an ocean of Legos for you.
To whoever finds the $20 I dropped last night: spend it on alcohol. It`s what I would have wanted.
Remember when the world ended last year?
Why can`t my coworkers just play on the Internet like normal people instead of trying to engage me in conversation.
I don’t even know what I don’t know.
All I`m saying is you don`t see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy.
My girlfriend called me lazy the other day. I almost responded.
I should never have climbed into this vat of curdled milk. I`m in whey over my head.
The guy who invented, "Take Your Child To Work Day," probably forgot to drop his kid off at school on his way to work..
I`m not sure how to say this but ... Worcestershire sauce
Its national shave your... Well, tomorrow is valentine`s day. Just an FYI.
Today I am thankful for my family....and this 5th of vodka that helps me deal with them.
Is it ok to ask a very pregnant librarian if she`s overdue?
All women have an hour glass figure – it’s just that they all tote around different amounts of sand.